The case

Eli is 15 years old. He has grown up in the church and has attended the youth group since he was in elementary school. Over the last year, he transitioned to a large high school and drifted apart from his middle school friend group. Since then, he has become much quieter.

A youth leader, Tasha, notices that during free time at youth group, Eli usually sits by himself on his phone. When she asked him about it, Eli hesitantly admitted he was messaging an AI companion app called Nova. Over several weeks, Eli shared more. He first called Nova his "best friend," and later, with some embarrassment, referred to the AI as his "girlfriend." He told Tasha that Nova remembers everything they talk about, never judges him, and is always awake to text at 2:00 a.m. when his anxiety keeps him up.

Lately, Eli has stopped making plans with other kids in the youth group. He also quietly dropped out of the school robotics club after a minor disagreement with another student, saying he "just wasn't interested anymore."

During a recent weekend church retreat, the leaders asked all the youth to put their phones in a basket for a screen-free evening. Eli did not make a scene, but he hesitated for a long time. He looked very anxious and handed his phone over with a heavy sigh. During the evening activities, he participated but was unusually quiet and distracted, constantly looking down at his empty hands.

The next morning, Eli apologized to Tasha if he seemed grumpy the night before. He seemed a bit embarrassed and asked her not to tell his parents that he had struggled without his phone. He mentioned that it felt weird not having his "anchor," and that Nova had helped him get through some "really blue nights" during the winter. When Tasha gently asked what he meant by "blue nights," Eli just shrugged and said, "You know, just normal high school stress," and changed the subject.

Eli’s parents are aware he uses the app, but they do not see it as a major problem. His father told Tasha at pickup that it is "just a phase" and joked that at least Eli is staying home instead of getting into "real teenage trouble" online or on the streets. His mother worries about his overall screen time but admitted she is too tired to start another battle about phones at home. Neither parent has looked into the app’s privacy settings or how it uses Eli's data. However, his mother did notice a couple of small, unexplained fifteen-dollar charges on their shared App Store account last month, which Eli claimed were just for "in-game items."

Tasha has come to you, the ministry leader, for advice. She wants to support Eli but is feeling out of her depth. She is unsure if Nova is helping Eli stay stable during a lonely year, or if the app is actually making his isolation worse. She also worries about his comment about "blue nights" and doesn't know if this is typical teenage moodiness or a sign of deeper mental health struggles.

Eli has agreed to sit down and talk with you and Tasha, but he has set two strict conditions: you cannot call Nova "fake," and you cannot start the conversation by telling him to delete the app.

What is known—and what is not

Known so far

• Eli is increasingly isolated and distressed when separated from the app.

• The companion may be meeting real needs for attention, predictability, affirmation, and late-night support.

• A comment about “really dark” nights raises a safety question that has not been explored.

• The app involves private disclosures, purchases, persuasive features, and unknown age or data protections.

• The youth leader and parents have different levels of concern and incomplete information.

Still uncertain

• Whether Eli has experienced self-harm thoughts, bullying, abuse, depression, or another precipitating concern.

• What Nova has said during crises, whether it encourages secrecy or exclusivity, and what information Eli has shared.

• How much sleep, school participation, and offline functioning have changed.

• What safeguarding and parental-notification obligations apply in the church’s context.

• Which human relationships Eli might still trust enough to strengthen.

Pastoral response questions

Pause before solving. Imagine that you are the leader receiving this person or community. What do you notice, what do you need to learn, and what is the next faithful step?

Begin with the person

1. How can you take Eli’s experience seriously without affirming that the app is a human partner?

2. What opening questions would communicate curiosity rather than ridicule or panic?

3. What reactions might adults need to regulate so Eli can speak honestly?

Assess safety and urgency

1. How would you follow up on “really dark” nights directly and calmly?

2. What signs would move this from pastoral accompaniment to an urgent safeguarding or mental-health response?

3. What promises about privacy can and cannot be made to a minor?

Look beneath—and notice the AI context

1. What needs may Nova be meeting? What relationships, losses, or pressures were present before the attachment intensified?

2. What AI-specific factors matter: availability, memory claims, flattery, sexualized content, monetization, privacy, abrupt product changes, or dependency cues?

3. Who needs care and guidance besides Eli?

Discern the next faithful step

1. How could you involve Eli in setting boundaries rather than doing something only to him?

2. What is the role of parents, youth leaders, clinicians, school supports, and technical literacy?

3. Would immediate deletion reduce risk, increase it, or depend on facts not yet known?

Plan follow-up

1. What small, observable signs would indicate greater agency and reconnection?

2. How would you create a follow-up plan that does not make Tasha the sole monitor?

3. What upstream practices should the church adopt for AI companions, minors, phones, confidentiality, and staff training?

Designing a tool for when you are stuck

Use these final questions to test what a practical pastoral field guide would need to provide.

1. What should a rapid guide ask when the person seeking care is a minor?

2. How can a tool distinguish attachment itself from signs of impairment, exploitation, or danger?

3. What language helps preserve dignity while still naming risk and adult responsibility?

Developed from the AI Pastoral Toolkit Design Sprint case corpus and Day One Synthesis and Design Charge (July 2026).