Resources for Care · Framework
Pastoral Care Models: An Overview
Caring for people in a digital world
Welcome & Orientation
Header: Caring for People in a Digital World
Our Core Belief: Technology changes fast, but human hearts do not. Beneath all the worry about Artificial Intelligence (AI), people are still dealing with the same old struggles: loneliness, grief, fear, and searching for meaning.
You do not need a brand-new theology to help people today. You just need to bring your existing pastoral wisdom into this new digital landscape.
How to Use This Tool:
Do you have a pastoral emergency right now? Go to our Acute Care Guide for a quick, step-by-step guide on what to say.
Do you want to learn these tools for the future? Read about our four core care models below. Learn how to use them when people struggle with technology.
The Four Foundational Models
Learn how these four trusted care models can help you support people facing digital challenges.
Model 1: ALGEE (Checking for Safety)
What it is: A simple checklist used to help someone who is having a mental health crisis.
How it helps with AI: When technology makes someone feel deeply isolated, paranoid, or unsafe, this model helps you check on their safety first.
📌 When to Use This Model (Guidance for the Pastor): Use this model when you are worried about a person’s safety or mental health. It is best for:
Deep Isolation: The person has stopped seeing real people, stopped taking care of themselves, or stopped going to work because they are always online.
Scary Thoughts or Paranoia: The person is highly anxious or believes things that are not true (like thinking an AI is alive, watching them, or trying to hurt them).
Thoughts of Self-Harm: The person feels so hopeless about their future or their job that they talk about hurting themselves.
How to Apply It:
A - Assess for risk of harm: Check if they are safe or if they need immediate medical help.
L - Listen without judging: Do not make fun of their fears or their attachment to a computer program. Listen to their pain.
G - Give comfort and facts: Let them know they are safe with you in the real world.
E - Encourage professional help: Help them connect with a licensed doctor or counselor.
E - Encourage support from others: Help them reach out to family, friends, or church support groups.
Model 2: Hearing, Helping, Healing (The Three-Step Conversation)
What it is: A simple, three-step guide to structure a normal pastoral visit.
How it helps with AI: It slows the conversation down. It keeps you focused on the person's soul instead of getting confused by technical details.
📌 When to Use This Model (Guidance for the Pastor): Use this model for everyday pastoral conversations and general worries. It is best for:
General Screen Worry: A parent or church member is worried about how much time their family spends on phones or social media.
Workplace Questions: Someone is trying to decide if it is honest or ethical to use AI tools at their job or school.
Spiritual Disconnect: Someone feels distant from God and thinks their digital habits are the reason.
How to Apply It:
Hearing: Just listen. Do not try to fix the problem yet. Ask: "How is this screen time affecting your peace of mind?"
Helping: Work together to find where the technology is hurting their real-life relationships or their faith.
Healing: Offer a short prayer, a blessing, or a simple spiritual practice to help them feel God's presence again.
Model 3: Worden’s Four Tasks of Grief (Active Grieving)
What it is: A model that says grieving is not just something we feel—it is active work we must do to heal.
How it helps with AI: People often use AI to hide from pain (like chatting with an AI clone of a deceased spouse). Also, losing a job to AI can cause deep grief. This model helps them face loss honestly.
📌 When to Use This Model (Guidance for the Pastor): Use this model when someone has suffered a major, life-changing loss and is using technology to avoid their feelings. It is best for:
AI Clones of the Deceased: A grieving person is using an AI program to "talk" to a loved one who died, which keeps them from letting go.
Losing a Job or Career: A person has lost their job or business to automation and is grieving their lost identity and purpose.
Hidden Loss: The person is grieving something others do not understand, like the loss of an online group or a digital space they loved.
How to Apply It:
Task 1: Accept that the loss is real. Gently help them face the truth that their loved one is gone, or that their job has ended, without using digital tools to pretend otherwise.
Task 2: Feel the pain of grief. Create a safe space for them to cry or be angry, rather than numbing their pain with screens.
Task 3: Learn to live in a changed world. Help them build new daily habits and routines in their offline life.
Task 4: Keep a loving memory while moving forward. Help them transition from talking to a computer program to remembering their loved one with God, while building new real-world relationships.
Model 4: Recovery Coaching (Taking Small Steps Together)
What it is: A partnership model that focuses on a person's strengths. It uses small, realistic goals to change bad habits.
How it helps with AI: If someone is addicted to a screen or an AI app, demanding they stop "cold turkey" usually fails. This model helps them make gradual, healthy changes.
📌 When to Use This Model (Guidance for the Pastor): Use this model when someone has an unhealthy digital habit that they want to change. It is best for:
AI Friend Addiction: The person has formed an emotional or romantic bond with an AI character and wants to learn how to make human friends again.
Compulsive Screen Use: The person cannot stop scrolling through social media or playing virtual games, and it is ruining their life.
Feeling Powerless: The person feels overwhelmed by technology and wants to take back control of their time.
How to Apply It:
Be a partner, not the boss: Do not act like a tech expert. Let them help decide what a healthy digital life looks like for them.
Take small steps (Harm Reduction): Set tiny, realistic goals (like keeping the phone out of the bedroom at night) rather than deleting all their apps at once.
Build real-world support: Help them find real-life hobbies, clubs, or church groups to fill the empty spaces in their schedule.
Tool 1: The "Warm Handoff" Script (How to Refer Without Rejecting)
When a person’s grief is too heavy for you to handle, suggesting a therapist can be scary. If you do not say it carefully, the person might feel like you are pushing them away. They might think the church is giving up on them or that you think they are "crazy."
A "Warm Handoff" means you connect them to a professional while holding their hand. You make it clear that you are not leaving them. You are simply bringing a specialist into the circle of care, just like a doctor brings in a heart specialist for a physical issue.
Three Rules for a Warm Handoff
Normalize Therapy: Let them know that seeking professional help is a normal, healthy step. It is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Assure Your Presence: Tell them clearly that you are still their pastor or friend. You will still visit them, pray with them, and love them.
Offer Practical Help: Do not just hand them a phone number and walk away. Offer to help them make the call, or offer to sit with them during their first phone call.
Script A: For Someone Stuck Using an AI Clone of the Deceased
Use this script when a person is spending too much time talking to an AI clone (griefbot) of a loved one who died, and they are struggling to live in the real world.
"I am so grateful that you shared this with me today. I can hear how much you miss [Name], and I understand why having this app feels like a comfort when the house is quiet.
What you are carrying is incredibly heavy. Grieving a loss like this is some of the hardest work a human being ever has to do. Because I care about you, I want you to have the absolute best support possible.
I am a pastor [or lay visitor], and my job is to walk with you spiritually. But I am not a licensed counselor. I want to bring a professional grief counselor into our circle of support. They have special training to help people process deep pain when they feel stuck.
I want to make this clear: I am not going anywhere. I will still visit you, pray with you, and be your pastor. But I want us to get you this extra help. Can we look at a couple of names of local counselors together right now, and I can help you make the first call?"
Script B: For Someone Who Lost Their Career to AI Automation
Use this script when someone has lost their job or business to AI technology and is experiencing deep depression, hopelessness, or loss of identity.
"Losing your career like this has turned your whole world upside down. It is completely normal that you feel angry, lost, and worried about the future. Your job was not just how you made money—it was a big part of who you were.
Because this loss is affecting your sleep, your stress levels, and your hope for the future, I want to make sure you have professional support. I can pray with you and help you look for God in this dark valley. But you also deserve to talk to someone who specializes in career transitions and life stress.
I would love to connect you with a professional counselor who can help you work through this anxiety and figure out your next steps. While they help you with those practical and emotional tools, I will continue to walk beside you as your pastor. You do not have to carry this heavy load all by yourself. Let’s take this step together. Would it be okay if we looked at some resources right now?"
Script C: For a Lay Visitor (Stephen Minister) Handing Off to the Pastor
Use this script if you are a lay volunteer and you realize the person's grief has crossed into a Yellow or Red Light situation. Your first step is to refer them to your Lead Pastor.
"Thank you for trusting me with your story today. It takes a lot of courage to talk about how hard things have been, especially with how much time you've been spending online to cope with the sadness.
As your lay visitor, I am here to listen, pray, and bring you the love of our church. But because I care about you, I want to make sure you are getting the best possible care. The struggles you are describing are very deep, and they are a bit beyond what I am trained to handle.
I would like to bring our Lead Pastor, [Pastor's Name], into our conversation. They have more training in helping people navigate these difficult valleys. I will still be here to visit and pray with you, but I want to make sure [Pastor's Name] knows how to support you, too. Would it be okay if I spoke with them this week to help us set up a time to talk together?"
The Warm Handoff Checklist
When you make a referral, use this checklist to ensure the person feels safe and supported:
Step 1: Ask Permission. Always ask if they are comfortable with you sharing their name with a counselor or pastor.
Step 2: Provide Options. Have 2 or 3 names of trusted professional counselors or local mental health clinics ready to share.
Step 3: Offer to Assist. Say, "Would you like me to dial the number for you?" or "Would you like to write the email together right now?"
Step 4: Set a Follow-Up Date. Never leave without scheduling your next contact. Say, "I am going to call you on Thursday afternoon just to check in and see how you are doing."